Tuesday, October 28, 2008

The most painful thing known to man

I underwent the most painful thing I have ever done in my entire life. I have no memory or recollection of an event in my life that caused so much pain – and I’ve been through a lot of self-inflicting painful experiences. I’ve had a series of warts recently on my right hand, so I decided to go to the doctor about it. I underwent “Cryogenic Surgery,” which is doctor talk for “let’s see how loud we can make him squeal with this Q-tip.” Cryogenic surgery is when the doctor applies a bountiful helping of liquid nitrogen to the skin. I decided, after my experience, to find out the properties of this demon liquid. Liquid Nitrogen is anywhere between -346 ºF and -320.42 ºF. Once it touches the skin (now I’m speaking from experience), the skin turns snow-white, begins to sizzle and crackle, and emits a smokey/steamy gas. The sensation is as if someone has stuck a million needles into an area of skin about the size of half a centimeter, then rapidly pulled them out, and put them back in again. This sensation lasts for a good 10 minutes. I had 5 places done on my right hand at the same time. When the nice doctor lady was done, she and Kristin proceeded to have a nice conversation about Savannah and the weather while I writhed in pain. The doctor then looked at me and said, “Oooo, do you need to lay down? Some people tend to get dizzy and pass out.” “No,” I exclaimed – thinking that passing out would have been a better option. She then replied, “Oh good, because you seem to be losing your color.” The next set of words that came to my mind are not appropriate to publish on this blog. The doctor then said, “They’ll probably blister-up and scab over. Come back in two weeks, and we’ll freeze them again, to make sure we get them completely.” Joy filled my heart. Kristin then drove me around and treated me to pizza. I honestly think that amputation of my entire right hand without anesthesia could have possibly been less painful. I’ve now drained my blisters twice. Here is a picture… A picture is worth 1000 words, and my mind thought of all of them when the liquid nitrogen was applied to my raw, burning flesh.


5 comments:

gracegirl said...

Oh, this wasn't the first time you'd had the liquid nitrogen. It's just that time your skin was dead due to stepping in an ash pile at Adam's house. Sorry this one hurt so. Even sorrier you have to go back in 2 weeks to have it done all over again. Not a lot to look forward to, huh.

Oh, and the visual was great. Thanks for sharing.

Cory Hallett said...

Thank you for that. I cracked up-out loud-several times!!! I now know that I will live with my one wart.

Christie said...

Robert, you crack me up!! You should be an author!
Seriously, I hope you feel better soon. We need to get together! I hope school is going well for you. My boys are doing great. Take care - Christie

Heidi said...

It sure is a good thing that God chose women to bear children....man could NOT have handled it!
JK...hope you are feeling better soon...

kurt said...

Very encouraging...kind of. I think I may have to do that as well. I have a few of those stinking warts. Maybe I just won't do it. O well.